The Bird and the Worm
by Eleix Moone
Summary: Non-magic AU. Marauder Era. Remus Lupin is a young boy with a dark secret who is just starting out at Hogwart's University after being homeschool for a few years after his father's death, where he meets the popular and seductive Sirius Black. Remus is convinced he's straight, until he begins to get closer and closer to the boy. Will his secret get out? RLSB, JPLE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: Well, I can definitely say it's been an extremely long time since I have busted out a fanfic. Therefore, NaNoWriMo will be my excuse to get a story written from start to finish for everyone! I was going to wait until December to post it, but I decided that if I post each chapter as I write it I'll be more likely to actually do all 50,000 words. Enjoy! **

**Chapter One**

A boy with sandy hair was lying on his blue-and-white plaid comforter, twirling a book between his long, boney fingers above his face as he stared idly at the ceiling, a cool breeze blowing through the window against his soft cheekbones. His body was long and thin, nearly to the point where one could see his bones. His amber eyes stared at nothing as he was lost in thought.

"Darling! Don't forget to pack Mr. Moonshine!" came a shout from up the stairs. "You couldn't fall asleep without him when you were a toddler; you don't want to leave him home now!" The boy, startled by the sound, accidently let go of the book. He let out a muffled _oomf! _as a rugged corner landed squarely against his nose. He sat up slowly, rubbing at the spot. He looked up as there was a knock on the door before a woman pushed it open. She was a pretty woman in her mid-forties who went by the name of Charlotte Jane Lupin. Charlotte had light blond curls surrounding her pale visage, long black lashes lining her cerulean eyes. She smiled softly at her son. "Remus, darling, did you hear me?" She picked up the wolf in question off the nightstand in the corner of the room. She held it out to him.

Remus shrugged it off. "Mum, I'm eighteen years old. I don't need a teddy to help me sleep." He turned away from her. Charlotte cradled the toy in her arms, tears coming to her eyes as she sniffled softly. Remus turned back to her before standing up and hugging her. "Oh, Mum, don't cry. I won't be gone forever. You'll see, in a few months I'll be home again for the Christmas Holidays. I bet you won't even notice I'm gone." He chuckled. "Just think, the books from the library won't disappear as often." Remus pushed a lock of his mother's hair behind her ear before hugging her again. He pulled away before sitting back down on the bed.

Charlotte glanced around the room again before sitting down on the bed, sighing softly. It seemed so strange to have this room all boxed up. She already missed the books lining shelves against the wall, the desk, the bed, the closet…. The smell of chocolate and incense had already begun to dissipate. While she knew that sending her son off the University was the best thing that she could possibly do for him, but that didn't mean that it didn't upset her any less. After her husband and Remus' father, John, had died several years previously due to a car crash, Remus was all that she had left, especially when Charlotte was forced to remove Remus from school and teach him from home. She had lost all contact with other PTO mothers, teachers, coaches, everyone. Had John still been alive, Charlotte could have used her nights to catch up with adult conversation, but alas, she had been forced to work nights as a waitress at a bar down the street from the Lupin household to just to barely make enough to keep her son and herself out of the poorhouse. She did not know what she would do when her life was several hours away from her.

Shaking her head, Charlotte patted Remus' knee before pushing herself off of the bed, tears brimming her eyes again. "Well, you have a big day tomorrow. Finish packing and get some rest," she instructed her son, turning and kissing him on the forehead before turning and walking out of the room, closing the door softly behind her as tears started to make their way down her cheeks.

Inside the room, Remus lied back against his pillows, his heart heavy. He would never admit it aloud, but he was extremely nervous about going away for school. He hadn't participated in public schooling for over two years, and even when he was there, he hadn't been very good at making friends and participating in typical social norms. He felt sure that he , once again, would be considered the rude, unfriendly, bookish nerd that everyone at his secondary school had assumed that he was. Not that he was rude or unfriendly, mind you, but he was considered that nonetheless. He supposed that it was because of his lack of desire to seek out real people. He had more than enough friends within the pages of his novels and plays.

True, though, he did have one close friend who stuck with him even after he left the school, a girl named Lily Evans. The two were practically siblings, for their mothers had been friends in both college and university and, once they had discovered they were delivering their babies within months of each other, decided to raise their children together as much as possible. Lily was also the only person who understand how Remus felt about the loss of his father, as both of Lily's parents were killed in the same crash as John. They had been picking up a cake and decorations for a surprise birthday party for Charlotte. Lily and her younger sister, Petunia, were being raised by an aunt, who graciously moved into the Evans' house down the street from Remus and his mother. Fortunately for Remus, Lily was also attending Hogwarts University with him. While none of their classes were the same, their dorms were in the same building, so they would not be too far apart from each other.

Remus shook his head to stop his brooding after he spared a quick glance at the clock, realizing that it was already nine o'clock in the evening, and his mother was right, tomorrow was a big day. He spent an hour making sure that everything he needed was packed before crawling into bed, trying to force himself to fall asleep as quickly as possible. It was a challenging feat, though, for as soon as he lie down, thoughts of school and nervousness attacked his mind, drawing the possibility of sleep as far away from him as possible.

Remus fell into a fitful sleep around midnight, only to be awoken a mere five hours later when his alarm rudely woke him up. He groaned as he rolled over to turn it off, wondering why in the world the clock would be going off this early during summer break. Suddenly, he remembered, and shot up in bed. It was moving day. _Oh God, I'm not ready for this, _Remus thought, burying his head in his hands. The butterflies were definitely starting to appear. He threw his head back onto the pillow, pulling his blankets over his head. Maybe he could just hide here all day and not have to deal with the hoards of new people that will be bombarding him from the time he steps onto the campus.

A knock on the door forced Remus to stick his head out of his cocoon. "What?" he groaned, swinging his body around so that his feet were on the floor.

"Shower and get ready, Remy," Charlotte called, yawning in the middle of her statement. "I'm making your favorite breakfast for you to eat before you're stuck with four months of café food."

At the mention of food, Remus' stomach grumbled. He could already imagine the sweet taste of double-chocolate-chip pancakes that he was sure that his mother was going to make. He grabbed the clothes that he had left out on the table the night previously before heading to the bathroom to take a quick shower. A mere ten minutes later he was sitting at the table, hungrily watching the griddle on the stove as his mother flipped the pancakes.

Charlotte finished cooking, placing the delicacy onto a plate before setting it down in front of her son. Remus immediately dug in, making a contented sound when the taste of chocolate exploded across his taste buds. He had always been a chocoholic, ever since his childhood, and today was no exception.

It only took Remus a few minutes to polish off his breakfast, and he let out a wolfish smile at his mother. Charlotte rolled her eyes, understanding her son's silent plea that she make more. She nodded in agreement before setting back to work.

Half an hour later, Remus was finally done eating and ready to leave. Everything was loaded into the car, and Remus was standing in front of his childhood home sullenly, a sudden stab of sadness panging at his heart as he realized that he was no longer a child who could come home and cry to his mother when he had a bad day. He could call her, but that was not the same thing. He couldn't hug someone who was 300-miles away, couldn't have them play with his hair like she had always done. Remus bit his lip distractedly before glancing down the street towards Lily's house to see her standing outside doing the exact same thing. She waved idly before looking back at her house and going inside, coming out moments later with more boxes. Remus turned back to his own abode to see his mother exiting the front door, holding a Tupperware container in her hands. Remus looked at it in confusion before she let out a small smile. "I made you cookies," she admitted softly. "I figured you'd want some for your first few nights at Hogwarts."

Remus smiled before walking up to her and kissing her on the cheek before he gathered her in his arms in a big hug. "I'll miss you," he said quietly, resting his head against his mother's shoulder.

"I'll miss you, too. Stay safe, darling. I love you." Charlotte held out the cookies.

"I love you,too," Remus replied. His eyes stung as he pulled away, taking the container in his hands before walking to his car and getting into the driver's seat, placing the cookies on a box next to him. He desperately wished that his mother could have come with him to see him off, but he understand that she couldn't take another day off work. She had taken enough days off because of him. Letting out a slow breath, Remus put the car in reverse, and slowly began to pull out of the driveway.

As he started his six hour drive, he let his mind wander. What would his room be like? Would he like his roommate? He didn't know much about the boy, just that his name was Peter Pettigrew. He had texted him a few times to figure out what they needed for their room, but that was it. They hadn't really talked about anything more serious than that. If Peter's Facebook profile had any predictor what the boy was like, it seemed as the slightly rat-looking boy's only hobbies were eating and watching Criminal Minds. Remus prayed that they would get along well. Being an only child, Remus had never had to share his living quarters with anyone else, and he hoped that his first time wouldn't be a nightmare. Lily had gotten lucky and was rooming with one of her friends from college. Molly Prewert, Prescott, Prewett, something like that. Remus liked the girl well enough from what he remembered of her, but he hadn't stayed in touch with her much in the last few years other than when they were both with Lily at the same time.

Before Remus knew it, several hours had gone by, and his stomach was beginning to grumble, and he was in serious need of a bathroom as quick as possible. He kept his eyes open for a gas station as the pressure in his bladder increased greatly as the road grew longer and longer through the countryside, although it wasn't for another half hour that Remus grew so desperate that he was having trouble focusing on anything besides his need to relieve himself. Fortunately, when he got to the point where he didn't think he could hold it in any longer, he finally found an exit. He quickly sped off it, putting his car into park and sprinting across the parking lot, nearly plowing into a young man in the process. "Sorry!" he yelled over his shoulder, but not caring too much to check to make sure he hadn't harmed the man.

Two minutes later, Remus washed his hands, feeling incredibly better. He walked back out of the bathroom, casting his eyes around the store while he looked for something chocolaty to munch on during the remainder of his drive. After he chose his treat, he headed to the counter, not really paying much attention to anyone else in the store. After setting his candy and €4 down, he pulled out his phone, fiddling with it and updating on his mother on his drive. He jumped when the cashier acknowledged him.

"I saw your bumper sticker, are you a Hogwarts' student?"

Remus jumped, looking at the boy, freezing as his amber eyes met a silvery pair. His breath caught as he looked at the man. He was gorgeous. He was dressed in a black work shirt, his arm muscles flexing as he moved his hand up to push his baseball cap further over his ebony hair. He smiled at Remus, his perfectly straight white teeth gleaming as the fluorescent lights of the establishment bounced off of them. "W-what?"

The boy laughed. "Are you a student at Hogwarts?"

Remus nodded, his throat dry. "Yeah, I'm on my way to freshman orientation and move-in. Are you?"

The boy nodded. "Yes sir! Except I'm a sophomore, so I don't move in until Monday." He handed Remus back his change. "I'm Sirius, by the way. Sirius Black." He held out his hand, still smiling.

Remus smiled back, shaking Sirius' hand. "I'm Remus Lupin. Pleasure to meet you." He pulled his hand away.

"Well then, Remus Lupin, I hope that we meet again soon," Sirius said, winking. Remus felt his face flush, causing Sirius to laugh. Remus blushed harder before telling Sirius goodbye and heading back out to his car. _Goodness, that man was gorgeous, _Remus thought as he glanced over his shoulder back at the store. He let out a small smile when he saw Sirius making faces at him through the window until he got into the vehicle. He set back off on the road.

Several hours later, Remus pulled into the circle in front of his dorm. The car was immediately flocked with RAs and older volunteers. In a matter of minutes, all of the boxes in Remus' car were on their way up to his room. He drove back to a lot up the street to park his car before he walked back to the building.

Looking around, Remus marveled at the architecture and stone lining the buildings and sculptures around the campus. He had to admit, it was beautiful. Lush green ivy popped against the light brown stone of the building, and trees and bushes filled the quad. Students of all types were walking around campus carrying boxes and other items of their new life.

Once Remus had arrived back at his building, Wolfsbane Hall, he went to the front desk to get the keys to his building before drudgingly making his way up the flights of steps. He knew her lived up on the tenth floor, but he wasn't entirely sure of the room number. Fortunately, he noticed that the names were written on pieces of paper next to each door, probably so that other people on the floor would know their neighbors. He had circle around the majority of the floor before he finally found Peter and his room. Unlocking the door, he made his way into the room. The room wasn't much to look at. It was a mere sixteen feet by sixteen feet with beige carpet and dark navy blue walls. There were curtains in front of the closet. They were black and purple, proudly boasting the school's logo, the "Hogwarts' Wizards", in large silver letting. The beds were low to the floor, but after closer examination Remus realized that if he wanted to, he could move the bed up. He probably would.

Remus set to work setting up what he claimed as his side of the room. Peter had yet to show up (in fact, he had texted Remus an hour or so earlier saying that he got permission to move in the next day), so Remus figured that it was his right. He put his sheets on the bed, folding the corners hospital style like he had been taught to do back home. He winced when he realized just how badly his sheets and comforter clashed with the rest of the decoration of the room. He wasn't able to afford anything nice, though, so he had to make due with the things that he had either had in his room, or that his mother had been able to pull out of storage from their garage.

Remus sat down on the bed, bouncing slightly as he tried to adjust to the sinking of the mattress beneath his body. It would definitely take a few nights before Remus would be able to sleep comfortably. Although, now that he thought about it, it was ions better than the lumpy and aged mattress that he had been sleeping on for the last fifteen years. The mattress belonged to his aunt originally, though, so the mattress had lived for closer to twenty or twenty five years. Regardless, it would still be an adjustment.

Remus stood back up, looking out of his window to the grounds below him. He was so high up that he was unable to make out the faces of the student below him. Remus turned back to his room, looking at his alarm clock on the desk. It was only 1:30 PM, and he didn't have to be at orientation until quarter six, so he decided that a nap was in order. Moving in was hard work.

"Welcome to home sweet home," Remus murmered, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Beeeeeeep! _Remus rolled over, grabbing his phone. He checked the time before remembering that he set the alarm to wake him up at 4:30, giving him more than enough time to sneak in a quick dinner before he had to suffer through three hours of orientation. Other than forcing all the new students to mingle, what was _really _the point of this event? What did the university officials expect to happen with this meeting? That one meeting and suddenly everyone in the university would become best friends?

Rolling his eyes, Remus arose off his bed, his stomach rumbling. He'd need to figure out where on campus he was supposed to go to get dinner. He knew that he was to use his student I.D. as a credit card when it came to his meal plan. Shrugging, Remus sat down at his desk, pulling out his laptop and opening a web browser to the Hogwarts' homepage. He clicked through a couple of links before he finally found a map, where he learned that there was a café in the next building over. He got up and headed that way.

Twenty minutes later, Remus returned to the quad, a sandwich, coffee, and a slice of chocolate cake in hand. He sat down at a table and started to eat, wincing at the dry consistency of the dessert. Briefly, he wondered if all college food tasted as much like cardboard as his current meal did. Nonetheless, he finished the meal off before walking back to his room to kill some time with Tumblr before he went to face the rest of his class.

"Why do we have to be at this thing again?" Remus asked Lily, already bored out of his mind, and they were only fifteen minutes in. So far the only thing that had happened was the advisors of each school within Hogwarts spoke about their jobs in the University and how willing they were to "help out any student in need." The two-thousand freshmen were stuffed into the basketball stadium, staring down at a makeshift stage in the middle of the floor. Remus shifted his focus there for a moment before turning it back to Lily again. "Seriously, I'd rather be running than this. And you know how I can't run."

Lily laughed. "Remus, its one presentation. You managed to get through Professor Briggs' Latin Philosophy class for _four years_. This is much more exciting than _that._"

"I disagree!" Remus argued. "Briggs' had brilliant theories that you couldn't even begin to fathom the depth of."

Lily rolled her eyes, flipping her fiery hair over her shoulder. "Whatever." Suddenly, people began to stand up. It was time to separate into pre-determined groups to talk about how to adjust to college life. Fortunately, Lily and Remus had picked up folders with the same letter on them. They were told to follow a junior named Arthur Weasley into a room in Ravenclaw Manor, which was where all the English classes were located at. Remus knew that he would have the majority of his classes there, for he was an English major. He aspired to be a secondary education English professor once he graduated from school, hopefully back in his hometown.

The group sat down at the desks in the classroom before Arthur launched a PowerPoint about how to succeed in Unviersity. It was a basic presentation, simply stating the dangers of alcohol and drugs, as well as how to avoid them. Arthur also spoke of the different clubs and organizations that Hogwarts' offered, and how the best way to make friends was. It was all things that Remus already knew, so he let his mind drift. He couldn't help it, but he kept hoping that he would run into Sirius come Monday, if not sometime in the near future after that. Not that Remus was gay, mind you. He had dated a few girls back when he attended public schooling. Sirius was just that kind of beautiful that _everyone _took notice of, gay or straight. Regardless, Remus felt intrigued by the boy.

Remus was shaken from his thoughts by a nudge to his foot. He looked over at the boy sitting next to him, who cocked his head towards the front. Remus turned that way, realizing that Arthur had asked him a question. "I'm sorry, what?" Remus asked.

Arthur smiled at him. "Everyone is saying their name and major."

Remus nodded, already feeling uncomfortable. He couldn't remember the last time he was in a group of strangers this big where all eyes were on him. "O-oh. I'm Remus Lupin. I'm an English major."

Arthur nodded. "Fabulous."

The next person answered the question. Remus deflated. It was definitely going to take a while to get used to this.

The next few days passed by quickly, and Tuesday arrived faster than he had expected. He was a little nervous about his first class. He had stayed up late the night before skimming through his textbooks, seeing if he could learn anything useful before the class began. Well, that, and he was too nervous to sleep. When he had finished his skimming, he had stayed up lately re-reading his prized copy of Lord Byron poems. His father had given it to him on the last birthday he had been alive for, although Remus had heard these poems since his childhood. John used to read Remus to sleep with the words of this art, and once Remus had grown old enough to recite the poems himself, John figured that his son might as well have a copy of his own. Remus' favorite poem of the set was "When We Two Parted." His parents had never understood why Remus felt such a pull to the heartbreak of the words, but it wasn't anything he could explain. He just thought they were beautiful and romantic, albeit a bit morbid.

Calming himself down, Remus began to quote the poem. "_When we two parted/ in silence and tears/ half broken hearted/ to sever for years. / Pale grew thy cheek and cold/ colder thy kiss/ truly that hour foretold/ sorrow to this." _As he remembered the poem, a wave of sadness overtook him. He missed his dad so much. He desperately wished that his father had been able to be there when Remus had to leave school. While it wouldn't have made the situation any better, it would have helped Remus to deal with… well, with what he had to deal with. Groaning, Remus threw himself back down onto his bed. All because of that one stupid thing, Remus' life had been changed forever. He hated drunk drivers. Hell, he hated anyone who drank in general now. If that man hadn't been drinking so heavily, he never would have crashed into John and Lily's parents, and they never would have had to deal with all the heartbreak.

Remus pressed his palms against his eyes, sighing as he pulled them away. Pulling his hands back, Remus glanced at his watch before sitting up, grabbing a glass off his shelf and getting a glass of water. He nearly choked as he heard a loud noise, only to realize moments later that it was simply the sound of Peter snoring, deep in sleep. The larger boy didn't have class until late afternoon, so he was able to sleep until midmorning. Remus had class at nine and, while Remus normally awoke at five on a daily basis, he also rarely stayed up past ten. He was exhausted, and couldn't wait to come home tonight to do all his homework and sleep. He had a feeling Lily wouldn't let that happen, though. He was sure that the girl would want to meet up and hear all about his first day, as well as tell him every little thing that happened in hers and every person that she met. She was quite the social butterfly, quite unlike Remus. It was one of the things that Remus loved about Lily, though. One smile from her and a mime would willingly and vocally open his heart to her, telling her his life story. It was an admirable quality that Remus wished he had instead of his persistent shyness.

Remus picked his faded beige messenger bag off of his chair, pushing a few notebooks and pens in beside his textbooks. This morning he had Chemistry and Composition, and then after lunch he had Algebra and Creative Writing. It was definitely a packed day, but fortunately, he only had class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It would give him a nice, long four day weekend to work on papers and focus on his studies.

Remus slowly walked across campus, his bag weighing heavily on his shoulder. It took him fifteen minutes to get to class. Chemistry was taught by one Professor Severus Snape** (A/n: Yes, I know in Marauder-world Sev is their age, but I couldn't think of who their professor would be so I decided I wanted to use Snape. My story, my decision)** in the basement of the oldest building on campus, Slytherin Tower. It had been built over two hundred years ago, when the Hogwarts' campus had been known as a quaint town by the name of Butcher's Hollow. Leg2end had it that the town had been overrun by magic, and that an evil witch cast a spell over the town so that any generation for three hundred years would be cursed if they so stepped onto the ground within the town's borders. It was all just myth, though. There really wasn't such a thing as magic. Remus was sure that illness must have been the main factor for nearly everyone in the town dying within weeks of each other all these years ago. Influenza, the bubonic plague, small pox, food poisoning, something that like. There wasn't any such thing as a curse.

Remus sighed, pulling open the heavy stone door. Remus had walked around campus over the weekend and figured out where all his classes were at, which was good because Professor Snape's lecture hall was in the very bowels of the building, deep underground. Remus believed that the room had once been used as a dungeon for the witches that were captured. The walls and floor were made of a dark gray stone, dampened and leaking from the groundwater surrounding the foundation. The lighting was extremely poor; the only light was cheap candles and lanterns hanging off the walls every five or so feet. The orbs were suspended in wrought iron cages, and let only enough light through to let the students make out the words of their textbooks. Remus crinkled his nose the further he descended down the steps, the air turning stale and the stink of mildew filling his nostrils.

Remus decided to sit in the middle of the classroom, rather than the front like he would have preferred, once he set his eyes on Snape. He was a middle-aged man, darkly handsome yet terrifying. His inky hair reached his shoulders, and his steely eyes pierced through Remus. He quickly cast his gaze elsewhere, sitting down on one of the benches in the room. This room really wasn't the ideal setting for a class, but Remus supposed that it worked well enough for the building that it was in.

"Hello again," came a voice from in front of Remus. He looked up to see a boy staring at him. It took Remus a moment to realize that it was Sirius in front of him. He looked completely different than he did at the convenience store. Rather than dressed in professional-casual clothing, Sirius was in dark jeans and a tight black muscle shirt, his arm muscles flexing as he turned around in his seat. His tongue flicked out for a moment, showing his tongue ring as he toyed with the black ring on his lip. A glint near Sirius' eye showed Remus that the boy also had his eyebrow pierced. Remus didn't realize that it was possible for Sirius to be any more attractive than he was before, but for once, Remus was wrong. He smiled at him.

"Hey," he responded. Sirius smiled back and stepped over his bench, earning a glare from Professor Snape. Sirius rolled his eyes at the man before turning back to Remus. "Are you in this class?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm actually just leaving this class. I had dear old Uncle Sevvy for Organic Chem last block." He turned at the older man and waggled his fingers at him, winking. Professor Snape narrowed his eyes again.

"Sirius Orion Black, I command you leave my classroom at once," Snape drawled, his voice rougher than sandpaper.

Sirius stood up. "Yeah, yeah, Sevvy, whatever you say." Sirius turned to Remus. "I'll catch you later, okay?" He flashed Remus another smile before walking back out of the classroom, his uncle's eyes burning a hole though his back the entire time that he walked away.

A pretty girl with blonde hair took Sirius' place next to Remus. "Do you mind if I sit here?" she asked, her voice light and airy. Remus shook his head, analyzing the girl for a moment. She had curly white-blonde hair that went to her midback, and her eyes were nearly white they were so blue. Remus turned his focus back on the board, feeling awkward around this new girl. Anamelia must have sensed his discomfort, because she smiled at Remus before holding out her hand. "I'm Anamelia."

Remus shook her hand. "Remus Lupin. Pleasure to meet you."

Anamelia began to pull out her textbook, reminding Remus that he too needed to get out his supplies for this class. He took out a notebook and a fountain pen. He had always preferred the feeling of a fountain pen to that of a normal one. He liked the way the ink moved smoothly across the paper, the nub of the pen scarring the paper lightly with every curve of the letter. He smiled at Anamelia as she glanced over at him. "So, I saw you talking to my brother. Do you know him?"

"Sirius is your brother?" Remus asked, surprised. This girl looked nothing like Sirius in any sense of the word. Anamelia was day whereas Sirius was night. Although, the more that Remus thought about it, Anamelia did have the same full lips as Sirius. Not that he was looking at Sirius' lips or anything, it was simply an observation.

Anamelia nodded. "Mhmm,. We're triplets. We have another brother named Regulus, too, except he doesn't go to school with us. He got mixed up with the wrong people and ended up in prison."

Remus wasn't sure what to say to that. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Anamelia shrugged. "It's alright. We kind of expected it. Growing up, Sirius was always the one that was adventurous and athletic, I preferred to dance and paint, and Regulus… well, Regulus was often found torturing animals. My parents sent him to therapy, but that didn't last very long."

Remus nodded. He was going to respond, but Professor Snape started class first. The man glared at his class, judging the amount of failure he would have to deal with this year. He narrowed his eyes, flicking them to his niece and the boy his nephew had been talking to before turning to the blackboard. "Open your textbooks and turn to page 394."

When Remus was finally done with his classes for the day, he felt exhausted. He had forgotten how much energy it took to walk around so much. A beeping on his watch reminded Remus that there was something in his room he needed to grab before he did anything else with his day. Suddenly, Remus felt his pocket begin to vibrate. He pulled out his phone to see that Lily was calling him.

"What's up flower child?" Remus said, answering his phone. He heard Lily laugh lightly on the other end at the use of his nickname for her.

"Nothing much, I just wanted to know if you wanted to meet up later and get a bite to eat after I get out of my last class," Lily responded.

Remus yawned, checking his watch. He remembered that Lily had class until 5:30, and it was only 2. "Yeah, that's fine. I'm going to get back to the dorm and take a nap before I do anything though. I forgot how exhausting actual class can be."

"Oh yeah, Mr. Home-school. Welcome to society again," Lily teased. Remus and Lily chattered for a few more minutes until Remus reached his building.

When Remus got back to his dorm, he thought about his first day of classes. Nothing had been too terribly hard. Proffessor Snape's class wasn't much fun, though, but he and Anamelia had gotten a chance to talk more after class. It was strange, after their initial meeting, Remus didn't feel the awkward shyness that he normally felt around new people. Perhaps he had grown up more than he had thought, that maybe he had grown out of his shyness. He sincerely hoped that that was the case. He didn't want to spend any more time than he had to feeling nervous around people. Even though Remus preferred the solitary of the library with his precious books, Remus wished for another close friend besides just Lily. Sure, he loved the girl more than anything in the entire world, but he wanted someone that he could talk to when Lily was busy. Remus had seen how stunning the girl had become over the summer, and he knew that Lily would have boys flocking to her as the year drew on. He didn't want to be left behind in the dust when some boy came and stole her away from her.

Remus sighed. He wished that he was at least semi-attractive. He used to have a slight bit of lean muscle back in secondary school, but since the incident, he hadn't done any sort of physical activity, and he had to admit that he sort of missed it. Perhaps he would pick up running again, he used to enjoy it so. Anamelia had said that Sirius was always the athletic one of the their family, maybe the boy would help him build up some muscle. Not that Remus was desperate for love, mind you. He just wanted it to be a possibility.

Shaking his head, Remus lied down on his bed, and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: I've been slacking the last few days. I've been super busy with college, meaning NaNoWriMo is super difficult at the moment. No fear, though, I'm going to try and make my goal! :D **

**Chapter Three**

"….and we're already a month in!" Lily exclaimed. They were sitting outside of their dorm during lunch, next to a fountain, which was overflowing from a rainstorm earlier in the week. It was still beautiful out. The summer sun had dropped down enough that the sky was still a brilliant blue, not a cloud in sight, but it wasn't as devastatingly hot as it was earlier in the day. They were sitting on a ledge that held up a garden, light green shrubs and bushes filling their view. Lily continued to ramble for a few more moments until, suddenly, she stopped speaking, her viridian eyes following a boy with messy black hair. She sighed. "God, that man is gorgeous. I'd love to get a taste of that. "

Remus looked up, laughing. "Whatever you say, Lils."

"His name is James. He sits next to me in my astronomy class." Lily turned back to Remus. "So, any girls catch your eye yet?' She winked.

Remus shook his head, his bangs falling over his amber eyes."Not really. Other than Anamelia, I haven't talked to that many girls…. Or anyone, if I'm being honest."

"Who's Anamelia, again?" Lily asked. Remus had briefly mentioned her the first day they had classes, but he hadn't said much about her other than that she was in his chemistry class with Professor Snape. Lily had taken notice that Remus was texting her a lot or in the library with her studying, but he didn't talk about her much at all. She was actually extremely surprised (and a little hurt) that she hadn't met either person yet. She would have thought that Remus would have wanted his best friend to meet the girl he was steadily getting extremely close to…. Although, now that she thought about it, Remus _had _invited her several times to hang out with them, but their schedules never seemed to coincide.

"She's Sirius' sister, remember?"

Lily laughed, trying to remember if Remus ever mentioned him. "Honey, you've never told me who Sirius is." Remus wracked his brain. He could've sworn that he had told Lily about the boy. Then again, perhaps he had just dwelled on Sirius so much that he couldn't remember what he had said and what he had thought.

"Oh. Well, when I was driving down here, I stopped at a gas station, and he saw my 'Hogwarts U' bumper sticker, and asked if I was a student here. He told me his name and I told him mine, and then I saw him before Chemistry. Apparently Snape is Sirius and Anamlia's uncle," he added. "Anytime I'm with Anamelia, he's' there, too. He and his sister are the best of friends.

Lily nodded. "Oh yeah! I remember you mentioning him." Remus pulled out his phone to see that Anamelia had texted him. Lily saw, too. "You two are always texting. Why don't you just ask her out?" Lily teased.

"I'm not into her like that," Remus assured her. He looked at his phone then looked back up. "Hey, Lils?"

"Yeah?"

"Now that I think about it, that James guy you're lusting after? He's hung out with Sirius, Anamlia, and I a few times. He's been Sirius' best friend (other than his sister) since they were in primary school." Remus closed his phone. "Anamelia just said that Sirius is and James are having a party tomorrow night, and Sirius wants me to go. You should come with me and you two can talk more."

Lily mock gasped. "Remus Lupin, mister anti-social, is going to go to a party? I'm shocked! Are you sure you don't have a crush on Anamelia?" She winked.

"I'm positive."  
"Then you must have a crush on Sirius!" Lily said, laughing. She would never admit it out loud, but she always had an inkling suspicion that Remus was gay. Even if she was wrong, it was fun to tease him about it, because he always defended his case. Except…. "Wait, why aren't you getting all defensive this time? _Do _you have a crush on Sirius?"

Remus bit his lip. "No…." Although, if he was being honest, he really wasn't sure. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be gay. He was weird enough already without that being added to the couldn't deny though that he felt _something _towards Sirius; be it want or envy, he wasn't sure. He just knew that he always looked forward to spending time with Sirius (and by default, Anamelia), and that he was his happiest when he was with the both of them. At first Remus had thought that he had feelings for Anamelia, but after they shared a tentative kiss two weeks after they met (Anamelia was unsure of her feelings as well), the duo were convinced that their feelings for each other were completely platonic. Since that day though, Remus had been getting random urges here and there to kiss Sirius, especially when the boy would get very close to Remus. Apparently, Sirius was extremely affectionate.

Lily waved her hand in front of Remus, trying to get his attention. "Remus!" The boy in question looked up. "You do like him, don't you?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not gay, so I can't have a crush on him." He cast his eyes downwards, feeling embarrassed. Lily hugged him.

"And how do you know you aren't? Have you ever tried being with a boy?" Remus shook his head. "Then you don't know for sure that you wouldn't like it."

Remus looked up. "Lily, I can't be gay, especially after… you know. I've already been ostracized for so many things, I don't want to add more to the 'Reasons-why-Remus-should-be-excluded' list." He felt his eyes starting to prickle as the memories all came rushing back. He hung his head in shame.

Lily hugged the slight boy tighter. "Oh, Remy, this is college. You're free to be whoever you want to be, whoever you are. We aren't in a small town anymore. In fact, we could fit five of our towns onto this campus!" She laughed. "People aren't nearly as close-minded or set in their ways as everyone back home was."

"….but how do I know?" Remus asked, quietly.

"Hmm?" Lily asked. Remus had spoken so quietly that she hadn't been able to make out what it was that he had said.

"How do I know if I'm gay? Other than random crushes, I've never really felt any sort of lust to anyone, male or female. Even with those girls I dated in secondary school, I didn't want to have sex with them…. I just liked talking to them about books and philosophers and things like that."

"I think that's your first clue right there. Whether you're gay or not, it doesn't matter. I'm straight, and remember that huge crush I had on Alice a few years back? The heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of gender or any other constraints." Remus nodded. "Anyways, I need to go to class. But tomorrow we'll go to the party, alright? Then I can judge your mystery man and try to seduce one Mr. Potter." She winked before kissing Remus on the cheek and walking away.

Remus watched the girl walk, his stomach erupting into butterflies. He couldn't have feelings for Sirius. He just couldn't. And even if he _did, _there was no chance that any guy as sexy as Sirius would want him back, even if he, too, was gay, which Remus highly doubted. Remus glanced at his watch, jumping up. He completely forgot that he was supposed to meet up with Sirius for coffee. Remus had never liked coffee before he came to Hogwarts, but now he rarely went a day without it.

Grabbing his bag, Remus started to sprint across campus. By the time he reached Sirius, he was red-faced and out of breath, stream beading along his brow. Sirius laughed when he saw the boy. "Looking sexy there, Remy," he teased, ruffling Remus' hair. Once he was satisfied with the way Remus' locks were standing on end, he smiled and pulled his hand away, wiping it calmly on his skinny jeans to get Remus' sweat off.

"Ugh, that's revolting, Siri," Remus said, scrunching his nose in disgust as he tried in vain to get his hair back into place. "You should never touch anyone else's sweat; that's how diseases spread."

"I can think of a better way to get diseases from you." Sirius winked and bit his tongue adorably, the tip barely sticking out between his white teeth. _….and here comes that urge again, _Remus thought, glancing at Sirius' lips for a moment before meeting the boy's silver orbs. Sirius' eyes got wide as his smile grew. "Oh! You are coming to my party tomorrow, right?"

Remus nodded. "Of course I am. I'm bringing Lily, as well."

Sirius' smile grew even wider, if possible. "Great! I finally get to meet who's beating me out of being your best friend." He winked again before sobering up. "In all seriousness though, I'm really glad that you're coming, Remus."

Remus let out a small smile. "I am, too." He turned towards the door, pulling it open for Sirius. "After you."

"Why thank you," Sirius said as he stepped through the store. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, pulling out a twenty. "Mocha frappacino with a double shot of espresso and a chocolate cookie, right?" Sirius asked, already knowing that he was correct despite Remus' attempts of protest for Sirius paying.

"You could be wrong and just be wasting your money!" Remus called after him. "What would you do then?"

"I'm not wrong though!" Sirius called back, going up to the counter and telling the barista Remus' order, as well as ordering as caramel frappacino for himself. A moment later, he returned to Remus' side, treats in hand.

"Hurry up, Lily, we're going to be late!" Remus groaned, idly flipping through an English journal while he sat on Lily's bed. Lily looked over her shoulder, rolling her eyes at Remus when he began to glare at her after glancing at his watch. Lily 's long red hair was twisted in loose curls that hung around her shoulders, her tight black dress stopping several inches above her knees, showing off her long legs, made even longer by four-inch purple stilettos.

Remus, himself, had let Lily pick out exactly what he was going to wear. She had said that her intention was to make it hard for Sirius to keep his hands off of him, and Remus had to admit, she did a good job. His blonde hair had been brushed and parted to the side, and he was wearing black jeans with a pair of Converse. A light green button down shirt hung open over a black tee-shirt. The tee was tight enough that it showed the beginning of the abs that had started to show on Remus ever since he had started running daily after that first day on campus. He couldn't go very far, only a mile and a half before he had to stop, but that combined with abdominal exercises and his already slender body was allowing the slightest bit of definition to show through.

Finally, forty-five minutes and several texts from Anamelia later, Lily was finally ready and, sure enough, they were going to be late to the party. Remus kept fiddling with his phone while the duo walked a few blocks to get to Sirius and James' house off-campus. Lily glanced over at Remus, sighing. "Remy, stop being so nervous. You look great."

"I don't even know why I'm nervous," Remus admitted. "It's not like I haven't seen Sirius every day since we moved here. I don't know why tonight is any different."

"Because there will be alcohol involved here," Lily reminded him. "And, regardless of the fact that you're a booze virgin, you _will _be getting drunk with me tonight if it's the last thing I do. If I'm going to make a fool out of myself in front of James, then you sure as hell are going to join me in my drunken misery." Remus gave Lily his best puppy-dog pout, hoping to get out of drinking, although he knew Sirius would try to convince him to loosen up and try it even if Lily didn't, and he doubted he would say no to him. "No, Remus. Would you rather get drunk with me, Sirius, Anamelia, and a room of random strangers, or just in a room of random strangers?"

Remus sighed, knowing that Lily had won. "Touché. Fine, I'll do it." Remus looked up, recognizing the green-and-white Victorian style house that the boys had been gifted by their parents over the summer. He pointed out to Lily that this was the house, although, due to the bass thumping through the walls, this wasn't a necessity. Lily could tell that it was the correct house with just a glance. They walked in. Lily was immediately flocked by guys, the smell of alcohol wafting off of the group. Remus scrunched his nose before nodding at Lily that he was going to venture farther into the crowd to find Sirius. Lily nodded back before her gaze was taking away by James, who began to drunkenly flirt with her.

Remus found Anamelia with a group of girls that Remus recognized from a study group they had had a few weeks back. "Do you know where Sirius is?" Remus asked her, leaning in close so that the girl could hear him over the music.

Anamelia shrugged. "Last I saw him, he was trying to convince some girl to make out with him. He'll make out with anything when he's drunk."  
Remus felt his stomach knot up. Realizing that he was jealous, Remus let out an irate breath. He was getting sick of this not being sure if he liked Sirius or not. He wanted to know what it was that he was feeling. Shrugging the annoyance off, Remus went of f in the general direction that Anamelia had given him. Sure enough, Sirius was found leaning against a table, his arm around a petite Asian girl named Dianna. Dianna had a black bob that stopped around her chin, and was wearing skinny jeans with a dark blue crop top and black cowboy boots. Sirius had his hand cupped around the girl's bum, and had her flush against his skin. Remus felt fortunate that he couldn't get a good look at how Sirius looked at the moment (Dianna was blocking his view), because he felt sure that if he saw Sirius, he would desperately wish that he…. No, no, no! He wasn't going there. He _did not _have a crush on Sirius. Sirius moaned, and Remus felt his stomach drop. _Okay, maybe just a slight crush…. _Sighing, Remus turned around, looking around to see if there was anyone else he could hang around by when he set his sights on a girl named Elizabeth, who he was in book club with.

Elizabeth was sitting on a red-and-white couch, watching people as she sipped water from a water bottle. Remus remembered that the girl was shy (Remus had become less shy with the help of Anamelia and Sirius), so he went up and re-introduced himself. "Hello, Elizabeth, I'm Remus Lupin. I'm in book club with you."

The girl let out a small smile. "Hi."

Remus smiled at her. "Do you mind if I sit down? I don't really have anyone else here to talk to." Elizabeth patted the seat next to her. Remus sat down, and immediately brought up the book that they had just finished in the club. "What did you think of Mr. Rochester and Jane at the end? Can you believe he….."

The duo conversed for the better part of an hour, and before Remus knew it, Elizabeth was giving him her number. "….in case you ever feel like hanging out outside of the club," she had said. Remus added the number to his phone and texted her so that she would have his as well. Once Elizabeth had left, Remus slumped back against the couch, scanning the crowd for Sirius. Remus was feeling a little hurt. The only reason he had come to this party was to see Sirius, and the damned boy hadn't even been bothered to tell him hello! God, Remus hated alcohol. There really wasn't any need for it. He just barely accepted Lily and Sirius doing it. Sirius, he could understand, but Lily? He would've thought that she would never touch the drunk after the accident, but ever since she had moved out here, she had become more and more of a party girl.

Suddenly, Remus heard his name being called. Well, what he assumed was supposed to be his name, anyways. "Remiiiiiiiippopotamus! Remykins! Remyremyremyremyremyremy!" Remus looked up just in time to see a shirtless Sirius fall only his lap. _Holy shit, _was the only coherent thought Remus had, his eyes going wide at Sirius' six-pack and pec muscles flexing as he pulled himself up against Remus. Remus could feel Sirius' back muscles contracting beneath smooth skin against his fingers. Remus bit his lip as Sirius pulled him up so that both boys were standing.

"Dan' wih' me," Sirius slurred, his stormy eyes unfocused. Remus let out a squeak of protest before he felt Sirius' hands, callused from years of sports, slip under the hem of his shirt and graze his side. Remus' heart began to pound and his thoughts began to race as he felt Sirius grind against him. _Oh god oh god oh god oh god….. _was a constant stream in Remus' mind as he felt Sirius get closer.

"God, Remus, so sexy," Sirius moaned, holding Remus tighter. Or, at least that's what Remus thought the boy said, although he was so inebriated it was difficult to tell. Remus scoffed and buried his face in Sirius' neck, breathing in the smell of cologne. Remus was so happy that he was sober for this moment. And that's when it hit him. He was falling in love with the boy in front of him, if he hadn't fallen yet. Dancing this close to Sirius made Remus feel as though his skin was on fire, and just when Remus thought it couldn't get any better, Sirius leaned in, and kissed him.

Remus felt his head spin the moment the other boy's lips met his. He was ecstatic until…. Until he tasted a hint of strawberry lipgloss on his tongue. It was then that Remus remembered what Anamelia had said about how Sirius would make out with anyone when he was drunk. Remus felt crushed. He was someone's drunken plaything again. Tears began to prick at the corner of Remus' eyes as he pulled away.

"Goodbye, Sirius," he said before turning around and running out the door, ignoring Sirius' calls for him to come back.

Remus never turned around, missing the sad gaze that followed his retreating form and the nearly silent whisper of, "….but I love you."


End file.
